Quote of the Day: Jack Handy (SNL)

"Whenever you read a good book, it's like the author is right there, in the room talking to you, which is why I don't like to read good books."

I discovered a new author a few weeks ago. His names is Tim Winton and he is from Australia. Apparently, he's quite well known over there but not here which is why it took me so long to hear of him. As soon as I read the first 100 pages of his novel "Cloudstreet" I knew I would have to read everything he's ever written even if I was a little confused about the characters in the story celebrating Christmas in the summertime until I remembered that whole southern hemisphere thing. His latest book "Breath" should be here soon. It should be good. It's some kind of Christian/Surfing novel.


Does anybody else have a toothbrush guy at work? I do and I have grown to loathe his very presence. He hogs all the sink space in the bathroom for like 15 minutes every morning. Why does he have to do that right when he gets in? Does he commute to work in the back of a Hostess truck? I suspect his real motive is to make the rest of us feel bad for not being so orally health-conscious which could explain why we hate him because nobody likes a self-righteous show-off. "Oh, look at you, you're just so much better than the rest of us who floss with licorice and gargle with Mountain Dew." Someday I am going to hold him down and make him swallow pure high-fructose corn syrup. I'm thinking Hawaiian Punch Concentrate might be just what the doctor ordered.


I found this amusing so too bad if nobody else does. A few years ago, I sent some flowers to my friend Sharon on her birthday. Ever since, I have been besieged with emails from ProFlowers telling me to buy here more flowers regardless of the occasions. They really amp up the number of emails during the month of her birthday. They must have finally realized recently that if I hadn't responded in two years they needed to change their tactics a little because they wrote, "2 Great Offers! Two great offers, 1 great gift for Sharon or anyone special!" Now I get lots of emails reminding me that they don't have to be just for Sharon. It's like they are trying to make up for committing some horrible social faux pas after they realized we may not a couple. I keep expecting them to offer to send her a horse's head for me along with my divorce proceedings.