"I consider Christmas just a disruption of normal business operations." My dad may not remember saying it but I sure do because it was pretty funny. He said it a few years ago to a customer over the phone on Christmas Eve. I'm sure he was half-joking but it does bring up a good point; sales can be a very lonely occupation during the holiday season. No one calls you back. There are no emails in your in-box, not even of the "Take Me Off Your List" variety. Most people are on vacation or too busy to schedule meetings. You can almost forget about hitting quota when you need money for Christmas shopping the most. I talked to a very interested prospect yesterday who wanted to meet with my company and we had to schedule the meeting for the 30th because that was the only day this month both of our teams would be in the office.
I am a little bored today so I thought I would deconstruct a few beloved secular Christmas songs. That's right, bad Collin is out in full force today.
The first up on the list is "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas." Pay attention to how dark and fatalistic the original version is. It's the perfect song to listen to while you drink yourself into a numbing oblivion. You can see that there are now now three versions that get progressively more upbeat with each one. We have three versions because Judy Garland refused to sing the original one in "Meet Me in St. Louis" unless they changed the lyrics so they did and Frank Sinatra took that one and made it even more saccharine and sappy. I have highlighted a few noteworthy phrases in each version. The most important theme to note is that in the first one the good things in life are what are disappearing and by the time we get to Old Blue Eye's version our troubles are what's disappearing. It's too bad because I have always liked philosophical implications of the phrase "muddle through." There's nothing wrong with a little stoicism.
ORIGINAL VERSION
Have yourself a merry little Christmas
It may be your last
Next year we may all be living in the past
Have yourself a merry little Christmas
Pop that champagne cork
Next year we may all be living in New York
No good times like the olden days
Happy golden days of yore
Faithful friends who were dear to us
Will be near to us no more
But at least we all will be together
If the Lord allows
From now on, we'll have to muddle through somehow
So have yourself a merry little Christmas now
JUDY GARLAND VERSION
Have yourself a merry little Christmas
Let your heart be light
Next year all our troubles will be out of sight
Have yourself a merry little Christmas
Make the yuletide gay
Next year all our troubles will be miles away
Once again as in olden days
Happy golden days of yore
Faithful friends who were dear to us
Will be near to us once more
Someday soon we all will be together
If the fates allow
Until then, we'll have to muddle through somehow
So have yourself a merry little Christmas now
FRANK SINATRA VERSION
Have yourself a merry little Christmas
Let your heart be light
From now on, our troubles will be out of sight
Have yourself a merry little Christmas
Make the yuletide gay
From now on, our troubles will be miles away
Here we are as in olden days
Happy golden days of yore
Faithful friends who are dear to us
Gather near to us once more
Through the years we all will be together
If the fates allow
Hang a shining star upon the highest bough
And have yourself a merry little Christmas now
Next up on the list is "Grandma Got Ran Over by a Reindeer." I don't have much to add on this one other than that I am pretty sure that Grandpa killed Grandma and his dutiful grandson is trying to provide an alibi. I imagine this one taking place in a police interrogation room. (I also may have a sick mind.)
grandma got runover by a reindeer
walking home from our house christmas eve
you could say theres no such thing as santa
but as for me and grandpa we believe
she'd been drinking too much egg nog
and we begged her not to go
but she forgot her medication
and she staggered out the door into the snow
when we found her the Christmas morning
at the scene of the attack
she had hoofprints on her fore head
and incriminating Clause marks on her back
grandma got runover by a reindeer
walking home from our house christmas eve
you could say theres no such thing as santa
but as for me and grandpa we believe
now we're all so proud of grandpa
he's been taking this so well
see him in there watching football
drinking beer and playing cards with cousin Nel
its not christmas without grandma
all the family's dressed in black
and we just cant help but wonder
should we open up her gifts or send them back?
(send them back!)
grandma got runover by a reindeer
walking home from our house christmas eve
you could say theres no such thing as santa
but as for me and grandpa we believe
now the goose is on the table
and the pudding made of fig (ah!)
and the blue and silver candles
that would just have matched the hair in grandmas wig
i've warned all our friends and neighbours
better watch out for yourselves
they should never give a license
to a man who drives a sleigh and plays with elves
grandma got runover by a reindeer
walking home from our house christmas eve
you could say theres no such thing as santa
but as for me and grandpa we believe
(sing it grandpa!)
grandma got runover b
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