Quote of the Day (Week?): Jean Kerr

“One of the most difficult things to contend with in a hospital is the assumption on the part of the staff that because you have lost your gall bladder you have also lost your mind.”


Especially when they think you said you took a Percocet before you came in to the ER instead of a Prilosec. I got lots of questions about that. Somebody from Pharmacy Reconciliation came in before I went home and asked me lots of suspicious questions. I'm pretty sure they thought I was a doper when in reality I can't stand Opiates - they make my head hurt when they're not making me paranoid. I have never had a Percocet in my life.

Oh by the way, my wife made me go back to the hospital this week because I turned yellow and was in immense pain and then they made me stay there for two days because I had developed a gallstone even though I don't have a gallbladder anymore. Apparently, I have "incredibly small" bile ducts. Yeah, it was a little emasculating.

I never go the hospital and this trip made me remember why. It's like living in a dysfunctional fascist state. Nothing there makes any sense and they won't tell you anything about your fate. Why must I be woken me up at 2:00 AM to have my vitals checked? I was going insane by the time they let me out. I had lots of things I had to get done at my new job and I couldn't do them from my hospital bed.

Afterwards, I realized why I found it so unbearable. I didn't have a single painkiller while I was there. I think living in a drug induced haze is the only way people make it there longer than forty-eight hours.

As bad as it was it wasn't my worst customer service experience of the year. That came on my anniversary weekend but you will have to wait for my next post to hear about that.


PS
Sorry my blogging has been so non-existent lately. My life is insane right now with the new job and everything. I haven't even had time to be as diligent with my fiction writing as I normally am.


PPS
Before I go, I have to brag about one awesome thing I did. I bought a booklight to help me read non-Kindle books during my daily 4:00 AM morning walk. All I do is clip it on and I am good to go. It worked like a charm this week. I'm pretty sure all the strange looks people gave me were just because they were jealous that they didn't think of it first.

Quote of the Day: William Shakespeare

“Absence doth sharpen love, presence strengthens it; the one brings fuel, the other blows it till it burns clear.”


I hope you aren't missing me too much. I swear I will blog soon.

Quote of the Day: G. K. Chesterton

“Marriage is an adventure, like going to war.”


As of Sunday, I will officially have been married one year. That's pretty much all I have time to write today.

Sorry I haven't blogged much this week. The first week at my new job has been intense.

Quote of the day: Henry David Thoreau

“I say, beware of all enterprises that require new clothes, and not rather a new wearer of clothes.”


It's been a while since I've blogged. What can I say? I've been lazy. I don't have much time today so this short USA Today version will have to suffice.

I start my new job today and I am surprisingly nervous. I really hope I didn't oversell myself during my interviews.

Last week was not our best week. I got my gallbladder taken out and my wife threw her back out so my mother had to come over and help the only childless couple in the family do basic things like walk. Yeah, we were pretty pathetic. My mom even had to take me shopping.

I learned some things last week.

I learned don't like being on Opiate-based painkillers. It turns out I value being able to think clearly more than I value not feeling pain. (I am sure there is a life lesson in there somewhere.) I did like the stuff they gave me at the hospital that made me ask Stacey why I was levitating.

I learned that nurses have senses of humor and doctors don't.

A nurse apologized for poking me three times trying to get my IV in and I said, "That's all right. Now I won't have to cut myself when I get home."

One of the abuse screening questions they have to ask everyone is, "Has anyone prevented you from doing the things you wanted to?" I said, "Yes, last week I wanted something really greasy and my wife wouldn't let me. Do you consider that abuse?"

When they asked me if I had any heart problems in the past I said, "One time this girl broke my heart. I healed but there may be a scar."

The nurses all laughed at my jokes and the doctors never laughed at a single one. It kind of hurt my feelings and made me mad because I am sure I am paying the doctors more.

Well, I am off to work. Boy, the first day of work sure is stressful. I laid awake last night wondering if the cool kids were going to let me sit by them at lunch. We will see.

Quote of the Day: Jules de Gautier

"Imagination is the only weapon in the war against reality."


I have some marriage advice for you today. No matter how excited you are about your last day of work, it is probably unrealistic to expect your spouse to share your level of excitement when you discuss the matter at 4AM so it may be best not to even do so.


Speaking of marriage, somebody mentioned to me the other day that people are always asking him and his girlfriend when they are going to get married. I told him not to worry because there's nothing he can do to keep people from asking personal questions. As soon as you're married people start asking when you're going to have kids, and then they ask when you're going to have more kids until they finally start asking when you're going to stop having kids. Although, I have found the best way to get answers to these questions is not to ask them. You'd be surprised the information people tell you just for having an honest face. (My face probably looks a little frightening right now since I didn't shave on my usual Wednesday night since I will be unemployed next week and want to look the part.)


All this talk of employment reminds me that I need to make an important announcement about this blog. With my demanding new job, I may not be able to post everyday. I will still try to write something two or three times a week which - let's face it - is what I've really been doing lately anyway. Please don't despair too much, Dear Reader. I will always be here for you like a chronic rash.