Quote of the Day: François Mauriac

"Men resemble great deserted palaces: the owner occupies only a few rooms and has closed-off wings where he never ventures."

I think corporate bathroom culture is one subject that too few scholars have studied over the years. I'm serious. Lots of stuff goes on in the bathroom that can affect your career in the corporate world. For me, it's one of the only places where I actually have personal interaction with the executives at my company that goes beyond banal corporate-speak. Maybe it has something to do with the democratizing effect that all of us having our flies open at the same time provides. I think most people feel the need to talk to help the whole bodily function thing overcome its inherent awkwardness.

To become a successful bathroom schmoozer I've had to overcome a serious personal handicap. I know absolutely nothing about sports which, sadly, is what many guys open conversations with. There is one guy who doesn't even try to talk to me any more because the first time we ran into each other I told him I was too busy reading a book when he asked me if I'd seen the previous night's game. Over time, I have learned to avoid sports conversations by presumptively starting one about a relevant business topic. (At least, I'm still cooler than Mr. OCD toothbrusher who manages to make us all feel guilty and disgusted at the same time.)

The pinnacle of my success came last week when I got invited to hang out with my Executive Vice President to talk about Europe. You see, he used to live there and I'm going there for the next two weeks so he offered to give me a few pointers. It all started because during a mid-urination conversation about my quota, I told him I was glad I just hit it because I was going to be gone the last half of the month. By the way, I should mention the guy kind of scares me so I haven't scheduled time with him yet but I think shall later this week.

So anyway, that's my cursory attempt at exploring bathroom subculture. Don't even get me started on elevators.