Quote of the Day: Jane Austen

"I do not want people to be very agreeable, as it saves me the trouble of liking them a great deal."

That's it for today.

Quote of the Day: Alfred Adler

"Every neurotic is partly in the right."

Wow. Somebody just pulled rank on me over a chair.

Quote of the Day: Nikos Kazantzakis

"A person needs a little madness, or else they never dare cut the rope and be free."





I think my mail-lady may be the reason that going crazy is sometimes referred to as "going postal." ( I say that with all due respect to most post office workers, especially my grandma, who delivered mail for many years and may be reading this post as we speak.)

I knew she was going to be trouble when I moved into my new apartment six months ago because the first week there I got piles and piles of mail for other people and none for myself even though I was having my mail forwarded through the proper Post Office channels. There was so much of this stuff that I would have thrown it away in clear conscience if Stacey would have let me. I mean we are talking full shopping carts loads here. I guess it is a good thing that I didn't act on my strong moral belief that someone too lazy to fill out a change-of-address form in the the past six months did not deserve their mail because two of the former tenants are very dependent on government aid that I am sure would have been missed if it had been thrown away.

About a week after I moved in, I found an angry post-it note on my mailbox telling me to change the name on it or my mail would no longer be delivered. I had no choice but to put up a handwritten nameplate that the landlord eventually replaced with a real one that was legible.

We repeated that process after we got married when she refused to deliver Stacey's mail because her name was not on the box.

So life went on like that with us dutifully forwarding a bunch of strangers' mail until one day we found that a huge batch of it had been shoved back in our mailbox and that someone had attached a hand-written sign to the outgoing mailbox telling us not to put mail in that mailbox because it was not a proper mail drop.

Considering all those issues, you can see why I was excited to talk to her when I finally ran into her in person the other day. I started out pleasantly enough. "Hello? Excuse me, can you tell me whose names you have on my mailbox?"

She listed for names off so I asked to get rid of the ones that did not belong to me and Stacey.

She stopped what she was doing and looked at me with fire in her eyes. "I need a forwarding address."

"I don't know what it is. Sorry."

"You better get one then."

"I don't know those people. They lived here before me."

"All right, but this is not how it's normally done.

"Sorry."

"I don't know what it is about you guys in that apartment. You guys just have a very transient lifestyle, I guess."

"Look, I haven't live there with anyone but my wife and I've been there six months. I don't know ___ and ____. All I know is I don't want to get their mail any more."

"And another thing. That mailbox is not legal."

"I didn't put it up." I said as I walked out the door and heard her slam the bank of mailboxes shut with a significant amount of force.

I sure hope she thinks transients are worthy of mail this week because I am expecting a few birthday books.

Quote of the Day: Evelyn Waugh

''How could you be so wicked?'' Someone once asked him. ''I thought you were supposed to be religious.''
"You can't imagine,'' he answered, ''how much worse I should be if I were not religious.''



I have always loved going to bookstores, and despite the strong love I have for my Kindle, I still do even though I do most of my shopping online now. Some of the fondest memories from my early twenties involve me spending hours and hours in used bookstores feasting on the books with all my senses excluding taste. (I have learned the hard way that people don't take kindly to book-lickers.) I used to go book-shopping all the time when I was depressed because it can't be overstated how much finding a hidden treasure of literature at a sensible price can stimulate the pleasure centers of the brain.

This weekend, I found that bookstores make the good times even better when I drove down to Portland for my birthday just to go to Powell's bookstore.

I have included a photo of my haul and a few of my personal library after they were filed away by author and publication date. (There is also one of the sword my wife has been trained to use on anyone who tries to rearrange my books without regard to the alphabet.)

Quote of the Day: Werner Herzog

"Facts per se are not so interesting for me. Facts do not illuminate; they create norms. The Manhattan phone directory has 4 million entries which are factually correct, but as a book it doesn't really illuminate you. I've always said we have to look beyond realism, beyond facts."

I have no time today for facts or anything else.

Quote of the Day: Henry Ward Beecher

"Where is human nature so weak as in the bookstore?"


It's my birthday this Saturday and since buying books is one of my top five favorite activities I am going to the largest bookstore in the world.
http://marksinthemargin.blogspot.com/2010/02/bookstore-like-no-other.html

It really is quite a shame that Powell's is located in Portland and I've never been.

Quote of the Day: Me

"Come on, we all know sponges are like swingers clubs for bacteria."

I really do think that dragging the same sponge back and forth to work everyday to wash your dishes is pretty disgusting.

Quote of the Day: H. L. Mencken

"A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin."


Today, one of my co-workers made one of the most laughable statements I've heard in a long time. She said, "Our company wouldn't have all these problems if we had women instead of men in all these executive positions."

I said, "What? Seriously?"

"Seriously, if we had more women we would be a lot better off."

"You're right. We wouldn't have any of these problems because we've had completely different ones. I've been at women dominated companies and they're just as dysfunctional in different ways."

"I don't think you know what you're talking about."

I said nothing because that was the part where I stopped arguing to avoid getting my head bitten off.

I can see where she is coming from. Most of the internal friction at our company could be described as the result of a group of egomaniacs trying to hold onto their turf in a war against a smaller more powerful group of megalomaniacs so it is entirely possible that more women bosses could help change the situation - by driving all that open conflict and macho-posturing underground into more passive-aggressive channels.

I am not trying to be sexist but I once worked in management at a company where eight of the nine person management team was female so I know the notion that women cooperate with each other better than men do is just absurd. Don't even get me started on grudges. I'll tell you one thing. I have never seen anyone at my current company cry during a meeting or make a remark about someone's weight.

In some ways I think men are better at working with people they don't like because we have learned how to negotiate armistices with our enemies better. Throughout history men learned not to fight with other men just because we didn't like them because other men carried weapons that could kill or maim us. In the domestic sphere that women were confined throughout most of history it was a different matter. You could cry and live to cry another day.

Before everyone flames me with angry comments I should say that my co-worker was half right. The men would probably get along a little better with a few more women around just to keep them in line. Just like the other day at QFC how Stacey wouldn't let me confront the guy who flipped me off in the parking lot for taking the parking spot I was entitled to because I was the one who waited for it.

So to repeat, I am not sexist. I just think it is a fallacy to elevate one sex over the other when history, logic, and experience tell us they are both awful in their own unique way.



PS
I have now lost 182.2 pounds in the past 16 months and - I am not going to lie - I am more than a little proud of myself.

Quote of the Day: George Jean Nathan

"It is also said of me that I now and then contradict myself. Yes, I improve wonderfully as time goes on."


I used to swear I would never buy a member of the female species anything on Valentine's Day, come Hell or high water, for a variety of reasons mostly having to do with it's dubious licentious history and the fact that it was dangerously close to prostitution in some ways just like I also swore I would date someone a full year before I even thought about marriage to avoid making the wrong choice. I am happy to report that time and experience once again made a liar out of me. It turns out that both those abstract oaths were made because I had no particular person to swear them to. So to make a long story short, I purchased my first Valentine's Day gift for a member of the opposite sex ever and lived to tell about it. If you remember that I hadn't done this even once during my thirty years on this planet you'll know how I relieved I am that I pulled it off. I got her a necklace made of blown glass that matched the Sapphire blue of her ring. She said she liked it and if she was lying she deserves an Oscar.


So like most people who don't work for financial institutions or the government I had to work on President's Day which means I can't sacrifice the goat to James K. Polk that tradition demands. I'll guess I just have to pour out my Diet Mountain Dew onto the ground in his honor. Today has been pretty boring because I sell exclusively to the Financial industry so people aren't answering their phones at all which means I can't get cursed out in creative ways and tell you about it. I also had an awful ordeal of a time getting my Diet Mountain Dew because the woman who operates the little bodega wasn't there today. She really should check in with me before she takes a day off.

Quote of the Day: My Boss

"You know, this would be a pretty sweet job if I could just learn not to care."


Yesterday, we had a guy come in for an interview who was a bit of an over-sharer. By the time he left, we heard all about the vacation where his fiancee dumped him, the murder of his estranged father, his cancer, and the DUI he was given unfairly. Oh yes, and we also learned that he is a football fan. Guess how many of those issues we asked about? Zero.


Here's another funny story about my boss. He's an ex-athlete who's put on a little weight lately so he wasn't too surprised when the doctor told him to lose weight at his annual physical yesterday. Although, they were both surprised when he ripped his pants open during an unsuccessful attempt to touch his toes.


I enjoyed the Office last night. I especially liked the part where Dwight said, "It's not 1992 any more," after Michael tooted a whistle to celebrate his sale because I know people like that and they are annoying. Luckily, the used car salesman type never last very long in my business. I also realized something about the Office that bugs me that I have never been able to put into words until now. Nobody has headsets. In the modern office, a headset is as essential as a computer especially to people who are on the phone that much. I mean, I don't even know how to pick up a handset anymore. I don't think it's asking too much for NBC to buy headsets for everyone. Then again, maybe I am just expecting too much realism from a sitcom.

Quote of the Day: Harold Bloom

"One writes to keep going, to keep oneself from going mad...to live through the next day or two."

Unfortunately, I am too busy to write today; too busy doing actual work, too busy trying to recover from the traumatic episode where my coat touched a public toilet, and too busy trying to tune out my co-workers who have decided that watching YouTube videos of the pop group Colour Me Bad singing their hit "I Wanna Sex You Up" would be a good use of company time today.

Quote of the Day: Charles Scultz (Charlie Brown)

"That's the secret to life... replace one worry with another."


Today was a long day because I didn't have a single activity on my calendar, not even a note to tickle anyone. (Trust me, it's a legitimate sales term.)



You ever wondered how all those discarded prophylactic devices you see on the ground got there?

Well, I did today because I saw three on my morning walk. I mean, how and why do people thrown them there? I imagine most of them are thrown from car windows but I have no data to back that up so I guess it it entirely possible that people are taking the Beatles's advice and doing it in the road, but since I have never seen such said taking place in said road I must assume there is not a high probability that this is occurring.

It's just vile on so many levels. It's things like this that make me despair of any serious social and cultural reform ever happening. If people can't manage a simple little affair like disposing of bodily fluids properly, what hope is there for anyone running the complicated machinery of civilization with even a minimal level of competence?

Quote of the Day: Charles Dickens

"Credit is a system whereby a person who can not pay gets another person who can not pay to guarantee that he can pay."


I've been dealing with the mortgage industry a lot at work so that quote seems very appropriate. Some of those bankruptcy numbers would shock and horrify you.


Starting today, I am all alone until Saturday afternoon so I am free to go wild until then. By wild, I mean sitting around all day in my underwear reading books and eating sugar-free pudding. I may also try to do something with a few friends if they promise not to try to make me put on free pants.

This weekend I had a liberating realization about what being married means. It means I no longer have to go to social events I don't want to just to be "social." I no longer have to convince myself I am going to have a good time somewhere when I know at the end of the night I am just going to go home alone, disappointed and ashamed of myself for eating too many corn chips and for even thinking about eating grocery-store cake with that whipped frosting that tastes like air.
That being said, I am not going completely anti-social, just not forcing it when I don't feel like it.

Quote of the Day: Alden Nowlan

“The day the child realizes that all adults are imperfect, he becomes an adolescent; the day he forgives them, he becomes an adult; the day he forgives himself, he becomes wise.”


This week in Sunday School, I learned to be grateful for something. My 14 and 15 year-old students made me grateful for the fact that I am not, have never been, and will never be a teenage girl. When I was a teenager I thought teenage girls were scary but now that I am older I know they for a fact they are.


One girl in particular was a real joy. First, she tried to get her brother in trouble for something stupid because, "I hate him." (That part actually fit in with the lesson since we were learning about Cain and Abel.) Then she made another girl leave the room in tears by whispering something to her. The best part is that later she denied that anything like that happened when one of her Young Women's (similar to Youth Group) leaders asked her about it.


True, I haven't raised either one but my suspicion is that girls are harder to raise than boys so I am kind of hoping for all boys at this point. For instance, I am quite proud of myself for convincing a 3- year-old this weekend to let his pet butterflies go free without crying about it.


PS
This post should not be construed to mean that will be raising either one in the immediate future.

Quote of the Day: Peter de Vries

"Who of us so complexly entangled in our common human blah blah blah can plumb the innermost recesses of another’s and so forth and so on?"


I am too busy to even try today.

Quote of the Day: Ray Bradbury

"If we listened to our intellect, we'd never have a love affair. We'd never have a friendship. We'd never go into business, because we'd be cynical. Well, that's nonsense. You've got to jump off cliffs all the time and build your wings on the way down."


That's pretty much it for today.

Quote of the Day: F. Scott Fitzgerald

"I'm a romantic; a sentimental person thinks things will last, a romantic person hopes against hope that they won't."

This is actually a pretty optimistic quote when you think about it. The best is always yet to come.

Yesterday on my way home from work, right before I entered the bus tunnel, I received an email from the director of another department - marketing- whom my team works with occasionally asking me to come by his office for five minutes. I sent him an email back on my way down the escalator telling him I was on my way home but was willing to come back to the office if he needed me to so I needed to know if it was worth the trek back.

I lost my cell phone reception as I got further down into the tunnel so I didn't get his reply until I was on my way home on the express bus with the next stop fifteen minutes away because I figured nobody would be cruel enough to make me come back to the office after a long day that began at 6AM. His reply said, "TOTALLY!!!" So I called Stacey and suggested she meet me at the bus stop so we could drive down together and make a night of it.

So, an hour later I found myself back at the office. Guess what we talked about? His budget getting cut for some event and how he wondered if I could fly down to California on the 24th and salvage it. That's right, three weeks from now. Man, talk about a letdown. The whole way there I was having visions of corporate power-plays, spying, and backstabbing. Real life can be so boring sometimes. I'd do anything to get back the hour and a half the whole thing took out of my life.

The moral of the story: Never trust excessive use of capitalization and exclamation marks.

Quote of the Day: Joseph Campbell

“A computer is like an Old Testament god, with a lot of rules and no mercy.”


My computer died this morning so I am typing this on someone else's computer and that's about all I have time to say. Thank goodness I brought my Kindle to work.

Quote of the Day: Gore Vidal

"Every time a friend succeeds, I die a little."


Gore Vidal really is a charming person, isn't he? And I think he's also more than a little overrated as a writer.


That quote does remind me that it's a new month at work and since this I am in sales the friendly competition begins anew. Last month was the first time in six months, I wasn't number one. I was leading the race when we left Friday night but my co-worker did a data adjustment from home Sunday night at the last minute. I am very suspicious of the whole thing.

I guess there's always this month.