Quote of the Day: George Jean Nathan

"It is also said of me that I now and then contradict myself. Yes, I improve wonderfully as time goes on."


I used to swear I would never buy a member of the female species anything on Valentine's Day, come Hell or high water, for a variety of reasons mostly having to do with it's dubious licentious history and the fact that it was dangerously close to prostitution in some ways just like I also swore I would date someone a full year before I even thought about marriage to avoid making the wrong choice. I am happy to report that time and experience once again made a liar out of me. It turns out that both those abstract oaths were made because I had no particular person to swear them to. So to make a long story short, I purchased my first Valentine's Day gift for a member of the opposite sex ever and lived to tell about it. If you remember that I hadn't done this even once during my thirty years on this planet you'll know how I relieved I am that I pulled it off. I got her a necklace made of blown glass that matched the Sapphire blue of her ring. She said she liked it and if she was lying she deserves an Oscar.


So like most people who don't work for financial institutions or the government I had to work on President's Day which means I can't sacrifice the goat to James K. Polk that tradition demands. I'll guess I just have to pour out my Diet Mountain Dew onto the ground in his honor. Today has been pretty boring because I sell exclusively to the Financial industry so people aren't answering their phones at all which means I can't get cursed out in creative ways and tell you about it. I also had an awful ordeal of a time getting my Diet Mountain Dew because the woman who operates the little bodega wasn't there today. She really should check in with me before she takes a day off.