Dear Reader,*

So after years of thinking about it, I have finally decided to start a blog because I realized it was a sin to continue depriving the world of my keen sociological insights. I have resisted the urge to start a blog for a couple reasons. First of all, I was worried about taking too much time away from my fiction writing. It takes me forever to decide that it's time to declare a piece of writing finished so I knew I would spend way too much time on each blog post. The other thing that really worried me was that I might - in a moment of passion - post something that would get me in trouble with someone.

I decided to start blogging anyway because I realized that most of the time all I ever talk about is irrelevant nonsense anyway so I might as well put it on-line like everybody else. I will avoid writing anything that will get me in trouble by following my good friend Michael Hammond's first rule of blogging: "Don't write anything that will get me in trouble." Like I do every day, I will also try to follow Dwight Schrute's rule of thumb about not doing anything an idiot would do. So if you are a family member, friend, or lover (see imaginary), you have nothing to worry about. However; if you are some random stranger on the bus or the street I can't promise anything.

I really hope this blog will help me overcome my publishing reluctance. As many of you know, I completed my novel last month and I am too scared to send if off to an agent because I am a perfectionist about my writing. Hopefully, if I start publishing something small - like blog posts - I can eventually make it to the published novelist phase of my life. So all the bad grammar you find will be therapeutic bad grammar.

If you've read this far, you are probably very bored and wondering what this blog will be about. Basically, it will be just like talking to me, getting an email or a wall post from me, or being subjected to one of my comments; only it will be better, because you can just ignore me when I start talking for too long about irrelevant non-sense that only I care about. This blog will contain stories, musings, and a little literary, movie, and music criticism. The only serious part will be the criticism.

There are a few things you will probably not find on this blog. Photographs will be rare and not just because of my unphotogenic nature. I prefer a more mediated experience with reality than photos allow. I want to remember and re-create the world the way I want it to be not the way it really is. You also won't find much political talk because I have discovered that my politics have become too idiosyncratic to please either the right or the left and I don't have time to moderate a civil discussion regarding the matter. I guarantee you will only find exclamation points on this blog over my dead body because of my pure unadulterated hatred for them.

The only thing I can really promise about my blog is that nudity will always be tasteful and integral to the plot.

Peace Out,
Collin


PS
Stay tuned later this week for my review of the late John Updike's suburban adultery classic Couples.


*I took my title for this post from Charlotte Bronte's Jane Eyre. I always cite my quotes not because I'm pretentious, but because I don't want to be accused of plagiarism. Okay, also because I'm a little pretentious.