Life Advice: Stay Away From Shakespeare and Strippers

Today, I was given two vital pieces of advice that I feel compelled to share with the rest of the world.

This morning, I was talking to my boss and a woman from marketing who's seven months pregnant when the subject of baby names came up which is a subject I have strong opinions on and no real authority to speak of. I said, "All my kids are going to be named after Shakespeare plays."
She said, "You mean like characters in the plays?"
"No, like the actual plays themselves. You know, like The Tempest or something."
"That's ridiculous. No woman worth marrying is going to let you do that to her kids."
"So you're saying I should stop telling girls that?"
My boss chimed in with, "If you're telling them that, that could explain why you're never going from point A to point B with these girls."

Later, my boss was briefing me on my upcoming business trip. He said, "Do you have a shirt?"
"No, I thought I'd just go topless. I think it will make out our company more memorable, don't you?"
"I meant a company shirt," he said, "Which reminds me: don't take more cash than you need because the strippers will take it all. Just stay away from them. It's not worth it."
"Words to live by."

I wish somebody had told me all that years ago so I could have saved myself some heartache.