Quote of the Day: J.M. Barrie

"I am not young enough to know everything."


I am kind of pressed for time so I thought I would post something the Relief Society* Newsletter Editor asked me to write a few months ago that was never used because they decided to go in another direction with the newsletter and after I started dating the Newsletter Editor it would have just been too awkward anyway. Of course, now that we're engaged it may be even more awkward but awkwardness can be fun sometimes.

(I know this will get in trouble with some people because that's what happens when you speak truth to power so I will gladly accept the consequences. Also, I am engaged so it doesn't really matter if anyone in the Relief Society would date me after reading this or not.)

*A women's organization in the LDS (AKA Mormon) Church

Ten Ways to Get a Guy to Ask You Out


“Nobody knows nothing,” legendary movie-maker Samuel Goldwyn – of MGM studio fame – once said of the movie business. I don’t really blame you if you that's your general opinion of dating advice because that's mine too. Feel free to tune this advice out, but you should ask yourself one question first. What do you have to lose by heeding our counsel? Your lonely Friday nights?

1. The Proximity Effect: If you want a guy to ask you out, you need to put yourself in his approximate vicinity. Guys may not be very smart but if you keep doing that enough he may actually take notice and do something. If you are not there it is physically impossible for a guy to ask you out.

3. Be open: Be open to going out with lots of different guys because getting stuck on one person all too often leads to heartbreak and frustration. Remember, your knowledge of people is may be limited by your own biases so it's worth giving everyone a chance unless they are creepy.

2. Talk: If a guy never talks to you, the chances of him asking you out are slim to none. If you are shy, start the conversation with something small like, “Hi” or “Hey, let’s make out.” You may want to try talking to lots of guys so you don’t miss any opportunities. Be open to meeting new people. When you are talking to the guy of your dreams, make sure you just don’t talk about yourself. Ask questions about him and remember his answers especially if one of those answers is his name. Try to point out common interests but don’t feign enthusiasm you don’t feel. If he likes death metal and you like acoustic folk music , don’t say, “I love Screaming Monkey Death too. What a coincidence.” Instead say, “It looks like we’re both really into music.”

4. Reach Out and Touch Someone: By touch, I mean a nice casual touch on the arm. Something that lets him know you aren’t completely repulsed by his very presence. Trust me, he will notice if you interact with him in ways a man wouldn’t.

5. Flatter Him Up: Compliment him on things you can tell he is proud of like his job, intelligence, jokes, athletic ability, and spiritual prowess. Remember, telling a guy he is funny is like telling a girl she’s beautiful.

6. Be Positive: You don’t have to be a little Pollyanna all the time because everybody’s allowed a bad day now and then. Just don’t complain all the time, especially about dating. It leaves a bad impression and makes us depressed too.

7. Separate Yourself: You must break away from the herd if you want a guy to ask you out. Packs of girls can be very intimidating. Nobody wants to ask you out in front of an audience. Think of a lion stalking his prey on the plains of the Serengeti. Do they go charging right into the middle of the pack? No, they look for the stragglers, the weak and the lame. Do with that information what you will. Remember, all analogies break down under close reading.

8. Be nice: Be nice to every guy because guys talk about girls just as much as you talk about them. You may not believe it but it’s true. If you treat guys you aren't interested in poorly, there is a good chance it may get back to a guy you actually like and he may decide to forgo asking you out to avoid similar heartache. If you get a reputation of being a girl who turns down a lot of first dates, you may find the frequency of first date invitations slowly declining.

9. Be suggestive: And no, I don’t mean that in a bad way. Suggests possible date ideas. For example, “Do you know any Indian restaurants. I haven’t eaten Indian food in forever.” “I really want to see that movie.” If a guy asks you out and the time does not work, suggest a specific day and time that does work for you. Be as obvious as you feel comfortable being. Remember guys need a little encouragement sometimes to make a move. We’ve all been in the singles scene for a long time and have the battle scars to prove it so we tend to be a little too cautious sometimes.

10. DIY: This may be my most controversial suggestion, but why don’t you try just asking him out yourself? I know you are thinking, “Hey, that’s the guy’s job.” You may even be right up to a certain point but let me ask you one question. What would you rather do, actually go on a date or stay home on Friday night watching a Jane Austen movie (and not the good one either but the one with Kiera Knightley) safe in the knowledge that you are doing your part to uphold culturally-based gender roles?

In a nutshell, just remember that guys are more fragile than they seem. Asking you out is a big deal for us because we think you are wonderful. Please treat us accordingly.