"Live your questions now, and perhaps even without knowing it, you will live along some distant day into your answers."
Some of the major questions that have kept awake at night though out the years include: "Do I drive like an a--hole?" "Am I a geek?" "Am I fat?" "Could I be described as a fata--?" Thankfully, I now know that the answer to all those questions is "yes" thanks to the two nice gentlemen who followed me home to enlighten my knowledge a couple days ago.
I was innocently driving home minding my own business the other day when a guy in a red truck in the lane next to me started speeding up so he could cut me off before we got the light so he could be first in line after it turned red. I did not let him in for a couple reasons. One, I was turning at that light so it made no sense and, two, the primitive reptile part of my brain does not like being dominated and equates other people's machines going faster than mine as submission to their will. So, anyway I didn't let him pass me because I didn't think he owned the left lane. In retrospect, maybe I shouldn't have because he got very mad. I deduced this by his flipping me off and tailgating me all the way to the light.
When, I arrived at my garage I had to wait in the driveway for the automatic door to open and that's when I saw his truck sitting right behind me blocking any escape path. He was honking and yelling at me and since staying in the car with the doors locked seemed like the cowardly thing to do and I was pretty sure he could have broken my windows anyway if he wanted to, I got out and took a step towards his truck where I found myself face-to-face with the two huge construction workers who could have easily beaten me to a bloody pulp. I pulled out the best B movie dialogue I could think and said, "Can I help you with something?"
"You know you drive like an a--hole?"
"No, thanks for letting me know but I beg to differ."
"Shut up you...you...geek." I'm not really sure why he called me that because I hadn't talked about computers or quoted Shakespeare once. I was wearing glasses though, which we all know is the tell-tale sign by which professional geek-watchers spot geeks in the wild.
When I laughed, he said, "Your a fata-- too. Look at you?" He was quite perceptive, I do have to give him that. It's true, despite losing 145LBS I am still a little big-boned.
"What?" I said with what I'm pretty sure was a smirk.
Finally, he peeled out and got the heck out of there without hurting a hurt a hair on my head. The only real damage done was to my feelings as he yelled, "Fata--," at the top of this lungs as he drove away. Drawing it out until it was four or five syllables long was really over the line.
See, isn't a miracle I've never been in a fight?
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