Quote of the Day: Sophocles

“God's dice always have a lucky roll.”

Speaking of lucky, I got pulled over twice on the way down to the Oregon coast Friday night. Guess how many tickets I got? Zero. What's my secret? Natural charm.

Up until a month ago when I got a ticket for blatantly cutting a cop car off, I hadn't gotten a ticket in over twelve years. I get pulled over about once every three months but I always get off. I even got out of it when I had no proof of insurance and an expired license.

Other than the fact that I have an honest face, the secret of my success is acting the complete opposite way I normally would. I've found that if you damp down the need to be right and make little wisecracks. Acting completely and utterly deferential is the key to happines. It makes you feel a little dirty but it works.


Here's some sample dialogue from Friday night:
(Not 100% accurate but pretty darn close.)

"You know how fast you were going?"
"Seventy."
"Try seventy-two."
"Sorry."
"You from Seattle?" You could tell he thought I was some kind of citified yuppy. (Here would have been a fun place to start making comments.)
"Yeah, I am heading to the coast for a family vacation. Sorry again."


"Sorry. I'm not trying to bribe you, officer," I said after accidentally handing him my ATM card.
"I can always use a second income."


"What did you get pulled over for before?"
"Huh? Speeding," I said after looking like a deer in the headlights. Apparently, cops talk to each other.


So the moral of the story is that I am pretty awesome.