Quote of the Day: Lawrence Durrell

"I had become, with the approach of night, once more aware of loneliness and time - those two companions without whom no journey can yield us anything."


I really don't like the city of Orlando, Florida* because it's not so much city as a mirage designed to veil the fact that the place's only purpose is to take all your money. I get the sense when I am there that the place exists just for the out-of-town visitor's (mine) pleasure. I get pretty bored with myself so I'd much rather prefer partaking of an environment that gives me the sense that I am just a small piece in a larger puzzle that existed before me and will continue to exist after me. Too bad my company keeps sending me there for conferences and seems to care nothing for my existential dilemmas.

Anyway, I hate it even more after my visit there last week. First of all, my luggage got lost and showed up just a few hours before my conference so I didn't have to wear slip-ons to customer meetings but not before I lost pressure sleep and raised my blood-pressure into the danger zone worrying about it.

Getting lost in a swamp and almost getting picked up by a strange man didn't help either. I had a free night so I decided to walk to a movie theater even though it was over three miles away. I knew it was a bad idea but I did it anyway because I am stubborn or determined depending on how you want to look at it, and - just like every time I ignore my instincts - I got into trouble. The swamp that the Google Map App on my iPhone lead me through didn't deter me from my course but the eight-lane freeway it told me to cross did. (I guess Google is serious about theri walking maps being beta versions.)



While I was waiting for a cab in front of a Chick-Fil-A that happened to be the only outpost of civilization way out there in the wetlands, a charming man in a brand new BMW pulled up and said, "Get in."

"What?" Even though I'd been waiting for my cab for over an hour I knew he probably wasn't the cabbie.

"It's easier this way since we're going to the same place."

"How do you know where I'm going?'

"What do you mean? How do I know?"

"Do you even know me?" I said.

"Oh, wait. I got the wrong guy." He then rolled up his window and slunk off in shame to meet some guy who came out of nowhere and jumped in his car.



The only thing that saved Orlando for me was all the sage advice I kept getting from cabbies without asking for it. I learned I should never have kids because they are selfish, that I should be grateful I enjoy my wife because so many women are just gold-diggers out to ruin your life (especially on a cabbie's salary, I write sarcastically), and that I should be enough of a man to tell my wife she can't dress provocatively outside even if that means people call you "possessive" because that just means they have abandoned conservative values.


And, no, I was not dressed provocatively while waiting for the cab.



*
I am self-aware enough to realize I might like Orlando if I actually went there to have fun instead of to work.