“He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you.” ( I will never remember how to spell that guy's name without looking it up.)
This weekend was an unusually busy one for me. In a short 48-hour period I acquired a nemesis, engaged him in combat, was almost defeated by him, and finally came from behind to vanquish my enemy.
All weekend, there was some kind of strange bug hovering in my room and occasionally dive-bombing my head. I'm not sure what his problem was but this usually happened while I was writing at my desk so I guess the possibility exists that he was just a rather aggressive literary critic. I allowed this abuse to happen multiple times because he would hide somewhere secret in the house in between ambushes. I'm really not sure what kind of bug it was. It looked kind of like a mix between a wasp and a box-elder bug. I only know I felt threatened by his presence because he liked to point his backside at me while making strange noises which I believe is some kind of universal battle sign. Much like the Scots mooning people in the movie Braveheart.
So after living my life in fear, things finally came to a head on Sunday. So guess who I saw perched on the toilet only a few precious inches away while I was taking care of business? I didn't know what to do because I was worried that any sudden movements could escalate the situation into a very dangerous one very quickly. I was also limited because I could only use one hand.
So I developed a cunning plan that I executed flawlessly. I maintained eye contact while I slowly grabbed the nearest weapon and obliterated him with it after he flew to the edge of the garbage can so he could stare at me better. What was the weapon, you ask? A can of shaving cream. Oh yeah, I buried the sucker in the stuff. I didn't go back and dig through the garbage for the body or anything but I am pretty sure he is dead after being buried underneath half a can of Gillette. I was a little worried about it at first but I no longer am not after coming home last night and not finding the word "Redrum" written on the walls in shaving cream.
Long live the conqueror.
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