“In the fight between you and the world, back the world.”
I saw an episode the other day of How I Met Your Mother that made me feel less alone in the world. In "The Fight" the protagonist reveals that the only fight he's ever been in was a complete fraud in a comical and sitcomy way. I too have carried the secret shame of never having been in a real fight during my adult life.* It's too bad it has less to do with a philosophical commitment to the principles of pacifism than with the willful avoidance of pain because then I could at least claim some moral credit. It used to really bother me and make me feel inadequate for all kinds of stupid macho reasons. I have a distinct memory - bear with me because this was back in the day when I still young enough and dumb enough to fall for girls that weren't good for me - of listening to some girl I liked describe how exciting it was watching her boyfriend get in a fight. I can still remember sitting in my car, hating life, and wanting to go home so I could cry in my pillow and listen to Weezer because River's Cuomo understands me like nobody else.
I guess after reading the last sentence you can see why I've never been a real testosterone-fueled physical fight. I have come close a few times but I was always able to avoiding it by using my quick wit and imposing size, and, oh yeah, by acting slightly insane. I still use the "don't mess with me because you don't know what I'm capable of" method in work meetings.
Stay tuned tomorrow when I tell you about my greatest pseudo-fight. Trust me, it will be more funny than some formulaic sitcom.
*
I am now smart enough to realize there is nothing shameful about it because I realize a better test of character is how well you avoid fights.
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