Quote of the Day: Thomas Carlyle

Once upon a time someone asked the Victorian man of letters Thomas Carlyle what he could to make Scotland a better place. I have to give the guy credit, Carlyle did seem like a logical person to ask because he had an opinion on everything. His reply is classic and quite possibly apocryphal. "Make yourself an honest man, and then you may be sure there is one less rascal in the world." I think it's safe to say Carlyle was never found leading any protest marches in his day.

I really do think there is something to be said for that approach but I'm too much of a sucker for anyone with a sob story to implement it in my private life. For example, today I gave a guy enough money for bus fare even though I didn't really believe his story. He told me he just got out of jail and didn't have enough money to make it back to Tacoma. It seemed weird that the jail would be letting people out at three in the morning without a dime to their name. Talk about a policy just asking for trouble, but what do I know? I think paying for a bus ticket for every released prisoner is not too much to ask of society. It's seems like a pretty common sense thing to do which either means King County is already doing it or will never do it. He told me I could go with him to the bus station if I didn't believe him but I declined because he had an annoying habit of touching my shoulder while he talked to me and I was not putting up with that for five blocks. To be honest, I am not sure why I gave him the money. Either, I'm a really good person or I thought a few dollars was a small price to pay for letting me go back to my bourgeoisie existence. Feel free to draw your own conclusions.


I went to a poetry reading by Simon Armitage last night with a friend I hadn't hung out with in a long time. It was good times. The dude is probably going to be Britain's next Poet Laureate so I'd heard about him before since I read the British papers every once in while but this was my first real exposure to his work. I have to say I liked it. I was impressed with how easily humor and pathos co-existed in his work. I have reproduced a poem below that particularly stood out to me.


You’re Beautiful

1 You're Beautiful
2 because you're classically trained. ,
3 I'm ugly because I associate piano wire with strangulation.

4 You're beautiful because you stop to read the cards in newsagents' windows
5 about lost cats and missing dogs.
6 I'm ugly because of what 1 did to that jellyfish with a lolly-stick and a big stone

7 You're beautiful because for you, politeness is instinctive, not a marketing
8 campaign
9 I'm ugly because desperation is impossible to hide.

10 Ugly like he is,
11 Beautiful like hers,
12 Beautiful like Venus,
13 Ugly like his,
14 Beautiful like she is,
15 Ugly like Mars.

16 You're beautiful because you believe in coincidence and the power of thought.
17 I'm ugly because I proved God to be a mathematical impossibility

18 You're beautiful because you prefer home-made soup to the packet stuff.
19 I'm ugly because once, at a dinner party,
20 I defended the aristocracy and wasn't even drunk.

21 You're beautiful because you can't work the remote control.
22 I'm ugly because of satellite television and twenty-four hour rolling news.

23 Ugly like he is,
24 Beautiful like hers,
25 Beautiful like Venus,
26 Ugly like his,
27 Beautiful like she is,
28 Ugly like Mars.

29 You're beautiful because you cry at weddings as well as funerals.
30 I'm ugly because I think .of children as another species from a different world.

31 You're beautiful because you look great in any colour including red.
32 I'm ugly because I think shopping is strictly for the acquisition of material goods.

33 You're beautiful because when you were born, undiscovered planets
34 lined up to peep over the rim of your cradle and lay gifts of gravity and light at your miniature feet.
35 I'm ugly for saying 'love at first sight' is another form of mistaken identity
36 and that the most human of all responses is to gloat.

37 Ugly like he is,
38 Beautiful like hers,
39 Beautiful like Venus,
40 Ugly like his,
41 Beautiful like she is,
42 Ugly like Mars.

43 You're beautiful because you've never seen the inside of a car-wash,
44 I'm ugly because I always ask for a receipt.

45 You're beautiful for sending a box of shoes to the third world.
46 I'm ugly because I remember the telephone numbers of ex-girlfriends
47 and the year Schubert was born.

48 You're beautiful because you sponsored a parrot in a zoo.
49 I'm ugly because when I sigh it's like the slow collapse of a circus tent.

50 Ugly like he is,
51 Beautiful like hers,
52 Beautiful like Venus,
53 Ugly like his,
54 Beautiful like she is,
55 Ugly like Mars.

56 You're beautiful because you can point at a man in a uniform and laugh.
57 I'm ugly because I was a police informer in a previous life.

58 You're beautiful because you drink a litre of water and eat three pieces of fruit a day.
59 I'm ugly for taking the line that a meal without meat is a beautiful woman with one eye.

60 You're beautiful because you don't see love as a competition and you know how to lose.
61 I'm ugly because I kissed the FA Cup then held it up to the crowd.

62 You're beautiful because of a single buttercup in the top buttonhole of your
63 cardigan.
64 I'm ugly because I said the World's Strongest Woman was a muscleman in a
65 dress.



66 You're beautiful because you couldn't live in a lighthouse.
67 I'm ugly for making hand-shadows in front of the giant bulb, so when they
68 look up, the captains of vessels in distress see the ears of a rabbit, or the eye
69 of a fox, or the legs of a galloping black horse.

70 Ugly like he is,
71 Beautiful like hers,
72 Beautiful like Venus,
73 Ugly like his,
74 Beautiful like she is,
75 Ugly like Mars.

76 Ugly like he is,
77 Beautiful like hers,
78 Beautiful like Venus,
79 Ugly like his,
80 Beautiful like she is,
81 Ugly like Mars.