Quote of the Day: James Joyce

“A man's errors are his portals of discovery.”


I certainly discovered many new portals today. I learned that if a cop says, "Wow. I don't even know what to do with that answer*," after he asks you why you committed an illegal act, you are definitely getting in trouble. I got a $700 ticket this morning. Yeah, it was pretty sweet.


Here's the story that probably will not mitigate my actions in any way, shape, or form. I almost backed into a police car this morning and for some reason he had to get all uptight about it. My driveway is hard to see out of because of the sharp angle and all the shrubbery surrounding it. I normally back out very slowly and so far I've been fast enough with the brake to avoid any accidents. I will admit that sometimes I back out a little fast in the morning because my street is usually deserted at 4:45AM on most days. Unfortunately, today was not one of those days. After I slammed on the brakes to avoid backing into a car, I gunned it and beautifully executed a three-point turn in the middle of the road while rocking out to the one Death Cab for Cutie song you can actually rock out to. Too bad there were two cars this morning, and the one I didn't see was a cop car that had to slam on its brakes to avoiding t-boning me. It's funny, I almost died of a heart attack when I saw the car, but when I I saw the lights I was too focused on not swearing to worry about my heart palpitations. Yeah, it was great.


I really learned a lot about life and about myself today. I learned that my tabs were expired and that very bad things happen when you don't keep your proof of insurance in the car. When I got to work I learned that I'd forgotten my security badge at home and what a hassle that makes of my morning. At lunch, I learned that my deli will be undergoing another rye bread shortage. I hope I don't learn any more today because I'm getting way too smart as it is and I don't want to make other people jealous.


*
The cop asked me what was going through my head when I cut him off and refused to stop even after he honked his horn. I said, "I was lost in thought and my music was too loud." I think he should have let me off with a warning to reward my honesty and I told him so too. Let's just say we agreed to disagree.